My Favourite Chuck Norris Jokes

Heres my favorite collection of Chuck Norris Jokes, read on and laugh it out, but don't forget that Chuck Norris is watching you.

•  Some people wear Superman pajamas, but Superman wears Chuk Norris pajamas.
• Chuk Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
• Chuk Norris is the only one that can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
•  Chuk Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
• When Chuk Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
• When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuk Norris.
  
  
• They once made a Chuk Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
• Chuk Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• Chuk Norris was once a character on Mortal Kombat. But removed because every move was a fatality.
• Chuk Norris invented Giraffe's... When he gave a horse an uppercut!
• Chuk Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow
• Chuk Norris can kill two stones with one bird
• Chuk Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
• Chuk Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
• There used to be a street named after  Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuk Norris and lives.
• Some magicians can walk on water, Chuk Norris can swim through land.
• Chuk Norris has counted to infinity - twice.
• Chuk Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
• Chuk Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
• Chuk Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the title wouldn't make any sense.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
• Chuk Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
• Chuk Norris haunted a ghost once and forced it to commit suicide.
• Chuk Norris had a staring contest with a picture. And Won.
   
• When I have an idea a light bulb appears over my head, Chuck Norris had an idea and the sun was created. 
• When Chuk Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 
• When life hands Chuk Norris lemons, he makes orange juice. 
• Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuk Norris pees his name in concrete.
• Chuk Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as      Optimus Prime(Transformers).
• Chuk Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..............the rattle snake died
• 911 calls Chuk Norris for emergency
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuk Norris allows to live.
• If you misspell Chuk Norris on Google, it doesn't say: Did you mean Chuk Norris  ? It says RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!
• Chuk Norris can draw a triangle with four sides.
• Chuk Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuk Norris can make a stuffed animal bleed.
• Chuk Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuk Norris only recognizes the element   of surprise. 
• If you spell Chuk Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Chuk Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
• Chuk Norris can touch MC Hammer
• Chuk Norris has won the American Idol using only sign language
• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world         records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply second place
• Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight
• Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord
• Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
• Chuck Norris is so cool he gives ice cream a brain freeze
• Chuck Norris has no hair on his nuts..............'cause hair can’t grow on steel
• The reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out Chuck Norris was Jewish.

Please add some more through the comments form, below.

Facebook Addiction

Since the Social Networking site Facebook hit the Airwaves about 6 years ago it has attracted more than 500 million users to itself, which means that about 1 in every 14 persons is on Facebook. Those who are yet to be users on this Networking site often wonder what it is all about and what they can do with it, well if you’re one of those people I am here to solve your problem.

I’ll break the whole thing down into 3 sections

• What Facebook is all about

• What you can do with Facebook

• What not to do on Facebook

What is Facebook?

First of all to get a really good understanding of what Facebook is all about, you need to know what a social networking site is.

A social networking site is a website where an individual can set up an online profile about his/herself. The profile may include;

• Personal photos

• Videos

• Personal information about the individual
• Lists of the individual interests
  
• Blog entries and other information which maybe relevant to the individuals identity

You can imagine a profile on a social networking site to be an electronic/virtual representation of the individual who owns the profile. Once an individual becomes a member of a social networking site, he/she can begin to socialize with other members on that particular Social Networking site. Socializing can mean reading information on other members’ pages and even contacting them. Making friends is one of the Big advantages of being on a social networking site, you can also learn about other people’s cultures and beliefs through social networking sites because of the unrestricted diversity of the people who sign up as members on a social networking site, it means that although you’re in Australia, you can develop and maintain friendship with someone in Canada or Brazil.

Facebook is simply a social networking site among many others like MySpace, Twitter, Hi5...the list goes on. Facebook Users may create a personal profile, add other users as friends and exchange messages, including automatic notifications when their friends update their profile. Additionally, users may join common interest user groups, organized by workplace, school, or college, or other characteristics, there is also an opportunity for users to create pages for their Favourite Celebrities or for people who they deem important.

They user has access also to interesting quizzes and games on the Facebook site, perhaps that is why most people prefer to use Facebook or it could be because of the media hype or even because of its simplicity and ease of use.

To sign up on Facebook one has to be at least 13 years old.

How to use Facebook and other social networking sites safely

On social networking sites its normal for individuals to have thousands of friends, but most times you would only know a handful out of the thousand personally, Might have met or seen a few hundred, then the rest are total strangers to you. It is always important to have it running like a background application in your mind, that whenever you’re on a social networking site, the majority of people you are dealing with are STRANGERS. Here I’ll give a few tips to what can be done to ensure you use Facebook and other social networking sites safel

• Please whatever information you know you wouldn’t give to strangers (it could be the guy you met in the elevator or the person sitting across you in the train, who you had a small conversation with) DON’T post it on Facebook.
  
• Make good use of the privacy buttons on Facebook and choose those whom you would love to see certain posts you make.
  
• Never give out your name, phone number or Residential address to anyone you met on Facebook, doing so should be at your own discretion, but you should know the consequences which range from unwanted visits, to unsolicited phones or even unwanted online communications(e-mail)
  
• If you do post pictures or videos, please be prudent and think about the future, would your parents or perhaps future employer be happy to see those posts?
  
• Do not be naive; don’t believe everything anyone says on Facebook, especially when you do not know them. Some people find joy in misleading others. Always try to do your own research before you believe whatever information the person has given you.
  
• Never, ever, ever give your password to anyone who you wouldn’t like to have access to your account, they could mess up your personality on Facebook by making inappropriate posts and comments or uploading lewd photos or videos to your profile and might even possibly lock you out of your own account
  
• Block or report anyone who makes inappropriate communications to you
  
• Accept friend requests safely
  
• Refer to the Facebook Help center for more details

What you can to with Facebook

Facebook users have a wide range of things they can do with the site

• If you’re the business type you can advertise your products on Facebook, and they best part is that you can choose your target audience
  
• You can Start a group or fan page for product, brand or business. Unless you or your business is already a household name, a group is usually the better choice.
  
  
• You can use search to find groups and fan pages related to your business by industry, location and career.
  
• Earn money through profile by selling things, with the use of certain Facebook applications

What not to do on Facebook

1. Never leave your friends hanging, if a friend should comment on your post, do try to engage them, it’s impolite to ignore them
   
2. It’s okay to be personal but there is a limit, if you have a problem with a family member, or you just broke up with your boyfriend, or even love your girlfriend sooooo much. Please I don’t need to read about it on Facebook
   
3. If you are having a personal and private conversation with another user, please do not do it on the Wall. Make good use of your Facebook mail box.
   
4. Sharing your social plans for everybody to see isn't a good idea. Unless you're planning a big party and inviting all the users you're connected to, it will only make your other friends feel left out. There are also some security issues at stake here. Imagine a scenario where a jealous ex-boyfriend knows that you're meeting a new date out that night. What's to keep the ex from showing up and causing a scene or even potentially getting upset or violent? Nothing
   
   
5. Please be wise when making status updates and posts on Facebook, they might come back to haunt you. Sometime in 2009 a case of an employee caught lying on Facebook hit the news. The employee asked off for a weekend shift because he was ill and then posted pictures on his Facebook profile of himself at a party that same weekend. The news got back to his employer easily enough and he was fired

I believe all this information will make you flow with the Facebook hype. But just guard against becoming an addict.

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